MartaMe · MisoMe

No sandwiches allowed!

It started out well…

But, that didn’t last long.  Dude next to me is offending all my senses right now.  First, he flops down next to me smelling like an ashtray full of unfinished cigarettes.  Then, he pulled a sandwich out of a ziplock bowl and started devouring it.  No exaggeration –  dude is munching on that sandwich so hard and fast, continuously turning it so he can bite it from all angles.  He is chewing so hard, I can see his cheeks moving up and down out of my peripheral. That should be difficult because I have turned my body as far as I can towards the window so I can sneak breaths in every now and then.  He is in violation of the almost all the seat mate laws! He’s alternating between killing that sandwich, drinking water, picking his teeth, and licking his fingers!😩😩😩 How big is that f*cking sandwich?!!!😒 How can he still be eating it after all of those rotating big bites?  I think it grows every time he bites it.  And, all of that finger licking on this filthy train…yuckety!  I feel like offering him a hand wipe, but I think he is finishing up because he’s rotating through all the movements at an even quicker pace.  Hold up – this mofo just took out a napkin, wet it, and wiped his hands…after he ate! I can’t with him.  SEAT MATE GRADE: E!!!!!!!!!

Picking teeth licking fingers

Am I being punk’d…for real, who sent him?

MartaMe · MisoMe

MartaMe Memory 10.20.16

She’s asleep!!! This lady rides the train and shuttle with me almost every day AND she pops her gum on every other “expletive” chew. I have wished for her to bite her tongue, her jaw, her lip…anything to make her boycott gum. But, I can be nice today because she’s asleep and luckily, she doesn’t chew in her sleep. I can go even further and hope she does not get whiplash…she is copping a serious nod so that neck keeps snapping. Uh oh…she just woke up…popping like crazy…I hope she bites a few taste buds off.😠

MartaMe · MisoMe

Welcome back…not

It’s my first day back on the train since Thursday (6 days ago) and my first thought is WHAT IN THE EXPLETIVE IS THAT EXPLETIVE SMELL!!! And, what in the expletive is this! I really hope it’s milk.😳

I worked from home Friday and Irma came through and shut a few things down Monday, including Marta.  Yesterday, Marta was running on a limited schedule so I worked from home again.  Today is supposed to be the regular schedule.  But when I got to the station today, the sign indicated it would be 7 minutes until my train arrived. I can just miss my train and the sign will usually show 5 min until my next train.  I know I didn’t just miss one because the platform was packed.  And, when the train pulled in, it was almost packed.  That’s how I ended up in the yuck seat next to good ole wide eyes 👀.  She has never sat next to me before.  Every time I beat her, she sits a few rows away from my smirking ass.  Not today.  She plopped down right next to me because seating was limited and like me, she probably couldn’t figure out where that expletive smell is coming from.  I may be an ass but I don’t stink, so she chose wisely.  It didn’t last long though.  The people in front of me got off two stops later and I excused myself and brushed past wide eyes as I raced a girl who was boarding and eyeing my new, used seat.  I won!  And, it was clean…well clean for Marta.

Now, here I sit…unable to inhale.  Every time I try to sneak a breath, I am hit with a myriad of unpleasant smells…onions, sweat, burnt hair, coffee, what seems to be undercarriage funk, and who knows what else.  It’s all bad.  I swear I would wear an air purifying helmet on this joint if there was one available.  Be on this joint like…

If my seat mate folds or adjust this damn blanket one mo damn time, I’m going to scream!!! She could’ve at least fluffed that joint with a fabric sheet before bringing it.  It could’ve helped with this morning’s olfactory assault.  SEAT MATE GRADE: C

I must say, this welcome back sucks!

MartaMe · MisoMe

Who or What to Blame?

I am obviously being punished for something I did…probably one of the random things my brain has said to me about one of these folks during my commute.  But, I have no control over that.  The craziness just pops in my head.  My only fault is laughing.😏 So now my ears have to suffer for my brain’s actions.

Anyway, my grown ass seat mate is actually sitting here blowing bubbles with her gum.  I am so tempted to pop one of those bubbles so it’ll splatter on her face and stick to that herstache she’s rocking (yeah, I see it…handle that).

And, homegirl behind me is rustling a bag while talking on her phone way too loud to mind me asking questions about who she’s talking to.  I really shouldn’t be able to hear her because I’m cranking the Jagged Edge/Run DMC Let’s Get Married remix.  I wish I could press my earbuds to turn down her volume.  Unfortunately, the universe does not seem to believe I’m worthy of special powers. Either that or it’s scared of how I would use them.  I’ve already thought about making her bag float out of her hands, crumble into a hard ball, and hit her hard enough in her forehead to make her head snap back…not enough for whiplash, just embarrassment.  The visual is cracking me hell up. 😂😂😂

My seat mate is still hanging in there, but she stopped blowing bubbles. Maybe she saw the first photo I posted above. lol SEAT MATE GRADE: C – she only blew bubbles for 1 stop, but has been very still the past 16 stops.  I can’t even see her chewing in my peripheral.  Maybe she remembered she was grown.

This door sleeve (never knew what to call it before) is responsible for my seat selection.

Imagine my surprise as I waited to board and the other door didn’t open!  My hesitation gave me limited seating options.  I bet someone broke it trying to force the doors open.  They do that mess all the time – sometimes causing the train to be put out of order because the door won’t close.  I blame that person for this whole commute rant.  My brain is off the hook…this time.

MartaMe · MisoMe

My neck, my back…my neck and my back

This morning is not starting off well.    I am testing out pillows for a coworker and I needed to return the one I decided not to test, so in addition to my normal backpack and purse, I am lugging a king pillow. I already resolved it was going to be a cumbersome journey today.  But, I never thought it would start at the gate!  I planned to use the wider gate, but a girl with only a purse was blocking it while scrambling for her card.  I heard the train so, I decided to use a regular gate. I tapped my card and instead of the gate opening, I received the red X indicating I needed to try it again.  I tapped it again and the gates opened, but it closed so fast that only the pillow and the majority of my body made it through.  My bag, purse and left arm remained on the other side of the closed gate.  As I was sliding my bags down to pull underneath the gate, a kind young lady tapped her card so the gate would open for both of us.  I thanked her…twice.  How did both of us manage to get through in time without the gate closing, but it wouldn’t stay open long enough for me to walk through solo? This all happened in a matter of seconds but it felt like an eternity.  Now, my neck and shoulder feel funny.  I just want to curl up on this pillow and go to sleep.😩 Needless to say, I missed the train…my train.

I am so glad I have my music to relax me.  I almost didn’t have that this morning.  On the way to the train station, I was rummaging  through my purse and realized my earbuds were missing.  I remembered I loaned them to someone late last night and forgot to get them back.  And, my backup pair was on my nightstand because I took them out during a purse decluttering effort.  Y’all know I’m going to have three pair in my purse tomorrow right?  Anyway, my sister heard me fussing about it and asked if I wanted to stop to Walgreens to buy a new pair.  This surprised me because she is Miss AlwaysOnTimeDontLikeDiversions like a mugg.  Initially, I said no.  She asked again.  I realize she thought about the severity of the situation before I did.  Truth be told, I really think she was looking out more for others I encounter than me.  For those of you who don’t know, I use my earbuds at least 75% of the day to keep my sanity on public transportation AND at work (see MisoMe posts).  I am sooooo glad I listened to her.  

Stop the MFin presses.  Is this mofo vigorously brushing his teeth on the train?!!!😳  Where is he gonna put all of that?!! Is he going wait until he’s off the train?  I need answers!  Oh – y’all don’t believe me?  Here ya go…suffer with me. I really can’t with Marta today!

Follow up:  I made it out of the gate smoothly.  I still had to use the regular sized gate because a lady being pushed on a wheelchair obviously trumped me.  There was a slight moment of panic, but the gate gave me the regular allotted time so my body, backpack, purse, and pillow made it through safely.  

I’m going to need the universe to collaborate with me to make the rest of this day work in my favor.  Make it a good one everyone!


Misophonia IS Real

I really thought I was being Punk’d in my training class today.   I was in a prerequisite training Tuesday, so I knew I needed to get there early to get a decent seat…really to get A seat.  The previous class had more butts than seats.  I arrived 20 minutes early and was able to get a seat at a table for 2 with an outlet nearby.  The other tables seated 4-8.  I thought I hit the jackpot! Someone already had their laptop in the space next to mine, but they were not there.  I happily spread my stuff (a bunch as usual) across my area, got something to eat, and played around social media until it was time for the  3 hour class to start.

Right before the class started, my table mate appeared.  She looked harmless (not friendly), so I introduced myself and went back to what I was doing.  Before the instructor started, the lady next to me started crunching on fruit. 😳 I have never heard anyone make sliced watermelon sound so damn loud!  I’ve always hated the sound of people eating with stainless steel forks, but she managed to make me feel the same hate for plastic ware. Then the sniffing started.  😩😩😩Anyone who knows me, knows I absolutely hate hearing a grown ass person sniff.  At that moment, I drew my imaginary sword and measured it against her neck as a warning.  She stopped for a moment, so I put my sword back in its scabbard.  But, her sniffles were soon replaced by her unscrewing the top from her steel container to gulp on water.  I looked at her in disbelief and hit my coworker (she was in the same training) on chat to tell her about my misery.  She was sitting across the aisle from me so she could see my face which tickled her.  

As I was typing, another lady entered the training super late.  Where do you think they squeezed her?  Right next to my mad ass!🙄  We didn’t have enough room for another person, so she had to sit in the aisle and share table space…on my end.  Being the sweet person I am, I tried to make room for her on the table and scooted closer to old smack and sniff.  I was highly irritated, especially when I realized her greedy ass had somehow slipped out to get a whole new plate full of fruit!!!  Just when I thought I was going to lose my mind and all my cool, the instructor announced we were going to take a 15 minute break.

I got back late from break because I had to decompress before squeezing back between late aisle lady and the human noise box.  All was good at first, but after awhile snotty started sniffing again.  I decided to distract myself by jotting down all the triggers she was causing and a couple of not so nice comments beside them.  It was working for a while because I was cracking myself up.  But then the rustling sound of a bag followed by continuous cracking  made me turn to look at her.  Do y’all know this heifer was sitting there cracking and eating pistachios in the middle of training.  Before I knew it, I grabbed my mental sword and chopped her head clean off.  Only the vision of her shocked eyes on her detached head kept me from going straight Serial Mom on her ass in real life. Once she was MisoMe beheaded, she didn’t seem to bother me as much.  I don’t know if my energy made her stop or if I was lost in a loop of insanity, but all of a sudden everything was not as bad and I managed to pay some attention to the instructor.  But, I’m so glad I catch on quickly to software and the instructor gave us a very detailed spiral book of instructions because I would be so lost when I actually have to apply the learnings in the next few weeks.  I am proud to say, I made it out of class without cursing her slam out, so I must be getting better…right?😏


More on Misophonia

Misophonia is not just a condition in which people are irritated by sounds.  Everyone I know is irritated by some kind of sound.  Misophonia is more than an irritation, it is rage followed by other emotional overreactions.  A normal non-miso reaction is to roll your eyes or to ask someone to stop when they are making a noise.  My normal miso reaction would be envisioning myself beheading that person or if I can find my voice to ask them to stop, the words are usually laced with profanities.  In those moments (which lasts way longer than the sounds), rage takes over all other emotions.  Some triggers are worse than others, but they all make me much less civil.

All misophonia sufferers don’t react the same.  Some actually cry.  I was surprised at how many cried.  Many of us have learned to keep earbuds handy or we will just leave the room …likely abruptly.  I have long been okay with people thinking I’m rude because I leave or pop in my buds.  But, the alternative is much worse…I promise.

To read more on misophonia, the article below is pretty good.  I just wish there were not sooooo many ads.

MartaMe · MisoMe


Guess who had to move to the other end of the train car because this grown ass lady was popping her gum and blowing bubbles so loud I could hear it with my earbuds on the highest volume? Guess who hopes she bites a chunk clean off the side of her tongue?